A love letter to an imaginary you

Hi, love! How are you?

Things have been crazy the past days. Being locked up in my room for weeks not only made me struggle into my denim shorts from all the chewing my mouth have been craving for. It also resurfaced the doubts and fears I thought I have successfully ostracized. Those moments when my long-neglected friends wave to say hello, I look back to the first time you have seen their shadows. You looked at them, but not long enough to show whether or not you got taken aback. Instead, your eyes fixed on mine and there, I only saw how they were filled with love. From then on, whenever darkness knocks on my door, I turn each bang into a melody that goes with the sound of your voice. And I am sure that your arms are already wrapped around me, protecting me from the chaos of the world.

It has been ages since I last saw you, held you, hugged you, and kissed you. Although we do see each other through video calls, I still long for the time when I will finally be able to pinch your cheeks. I miss your cute cheeks.

There are so much that I want to tell you about. You know how I have been spending a crazy amount of time binge-watching kdrama, right? Love, some stories are over-the-top kilig, but others broke my heart into pieces and I hate the thought that they might one day happen to us. Hayyy. Haha. Here I am again and my imagination. Oops.

Unlike me, your days are still filled with work stuff. I don’t understand a thing about your job, but I am sure you are doing great! On those days when you are getting exhausted, just look at my photo, and for sure you’ll feel so much better! Hahahaha 😂😛

See you soon, love! Libre mo ko ng yummy food. Hihi I love you! Bleh.

Always,

Your favorite headache

Pam, I miss you.

There will be moments in our lives when we need to stop holding on to the rope that connects us to something or someone, no matter how precious they are. Or maybe, because of how precious they are.

There will be knots on our throat upon the idea of not being able to see, hug, or even hear them again. Memories — they will be our greatest enemy, but at the same time, they will be the ones to comfort us on those days when loneliness is knocking on our door.

There are fights we need to give up on. There are moments when we need to forget about our personal wishes. But it doesn’t mean that the care and love end. Sometimes, those are the exact reasons why we let our precious ones go, despite the danger of being forgotten.

Losing touch doesn’t always mean goodbye. Sometimes it means, “please, have a better life.”

–rdc–

Vexel Art!!!

In my previous post, I shared some of the things I have been spending time on the past weeks. Guess what? There is a new activity that I became very fond of recently! It is making vexel art using Adobe Illustration Draw. You can download it in Playstore!

It has already been 3 days since I started using this app, and I am lovinggg it! It is user-friendly and has endless possibilities! I watched a few Youtube videos before starting, to have an idea on how the tools and other icons work.

Here are some of my pieces, so far:

There are still a looot of things to learn and improve on, but I am verrryyyy happy with these! I never thought I would enjoy digital art as much as I do with traditional art. 😍

If you are also using this app, I will be glad to see your artworks!

–rdc–

Spending days at home…

I am one of the privileged people who have the luxury of staying safe at home. I am proud and thankful for the people who are risking their own health just to make sure the rest of us are and will be safe and healthy. I also pray for the ones who are barely getting through day-by-day because of the lack of resources. Let’s be positive that all these pandemic challenging will end. 🙂

Anyway, how am I spending time at home? Well, aside from working on a few work-related stuff, I honestly have not been too productive. It is not something to be proud of, I know, but let me just share to you some of the things that kept me busy the past weeks.

This will be long.

NETFLIX SERIES

I think a lot of people have been binge-watching these days. Here’s my list (most of them are korean dramas):

Crash Landing On You. This one has been very popular recently. I normally wouldn’t watch something that most of the people around me are obssessed with, but I became curious about all the fuss and I had a lot of free time so I watched it. Unlike my friends, I didn’t feel so kilig with the series. But I got curious though, as to how real they portrayed North Korea, so I watched youtube videos about it. I’ve seen one wherein they asked a North Korean woman about it, and she said that CLOY did a great job portraying North Korea. That was the part I was mostly amazed with. At least I got a glimpse of what it’s like out there.

Love in the Moonlight. I am a fan of k-dramas, but not when it is a historical drama. I watched this one though, because of Park Bo Gum!!! Haha. I admired his character in this series especially because he was so loyal and trusting to his friend.

Itaewon Class. I just saw this is Netflix, and its lead actor was Park Seo Joon. So far, I liked the dramas of Seo Joon, so I watched it. Several minutes into the first episode, I was already crying. Haha. I am a crybaby, I know. I kind of liked how the story started because Seo Joon’s father in the movie was amazing! Although, as the series went by, I kind of felt it was exhausting because they just kept on plotting how to get into their enemy’s nerves. It’s just about revenge or something. Personally, I am not a fan of such stories, but that doesn’t make the drama bad. It’s just a personal perspective. But ohhhh!!!! My highlight in this series has nothing to do with the story. Haha It’s Park Bo Gum’s apperance at the end! Like, OMG!!!! Hahahaha

Romance is a Bonus Book. My first-ever oppa was Lee Jong Suk, and I missed watching him, so I searched, and tadaaaa… Found this drama. Haha. It’s already a good thing for me that it was Jong Suk, but the story, talking about books and publishing was a big plus for me! Although I was not much of a fan of the loveteam here, I still felt kilig on the scene wherein Jong Suk hugged the woman from behind while she was cooking. Hahah

Hymn of Death. Lee Jong Suk agaaain! Haha This is a mini-series based on a true story. There are no intense-climactic scenes, but it was still able to bring some feels. In my perspective, it was quite disturbing and might also trigger anxiety or depression, so if you are not highly emotionally and mentally stable, I suggest you skip this one.

The Society. This is not a kdrama! Haha. This series revolved around High School students who were suddenly brought to a parallel universe or something. They tried to figure it our as well. There were no one else in their town but themselves, so they were forced to say goodbye to their childhood and step up in order to survive.

Put your Head on my Shoulder. This is a Chinese series. The story is so light and full of kilig moments. Hahaha If you want to just chill and smile, watch this one!

YOUTUBE VIDEOS

Korean Unnie. Obviously, I am a kdrama fan. Because of this, I really wanted to learn Hangeul. I watched Youtube videos and talked to Hangeul-speaking friends. Haha. So far, the YT channel that I have been following is Korean Unnie. I like how clear she speaks and some of her examples are funny. Haha

Animators vs. Cartoonists. BuzzFeedVideo has this segment in their channel called Draw Off, wherein animators and cartoonists take on drawing challenges. My favorite so far is when they draw characters based on their memory of them! It’s fun!

Kids Describe. Another videos I enjoyed were from HiHo Kids’ Kids Describe segment. In this one, an illustrator draws things based on the children’s description! Children’s imagination is crazy and amazing!

Home Workout. I TRIED home workout the other day, and Susana Yábar’s videos were the ones I liked the most. I am not consistent with this, but if you also would like to try home workout, you may want to check her channel.

PODCASTS ON SPOTIFY

Adulting with Joyce Pring. She talks about various topics related to #adulting. Can’t say much but she’s amazing! You should listen to her podcasts!

Bo Sanchez Radio. I started listening to Bro. Bo’s podcasts only recently. He has a looot of stuff there. Most, if not all, are from his talks at The Feast.

E-BOOKS

See Me by Nicholas Sparks. This is about an ex-convict, who helped in figuring out who is stalking and sending threats to his girlfriend.

Heart Detox by Bo Sanchez. Bro. Bo is giving away a free e-book copy of his book, Heart Detox. I am not sure if it is still available, but you may click on the link if you would like to have a copy of it!

So far, those are the things that I have been spending my time on. There are a lot of other things you can do out there, like signing-up to online classes or joining webinars. Kung ano ang trip mo, go lang. Haha

–rdc-

How am I feeling?

I’ve been staying at home for almost a month now. Since I am working in a preschool, work has been cancelled earlier than the announced community quarantine. I know a lot of us have been dreaming of this— not going to work and just have free days for ourselves. But our dream came true in a way different from our fantasies.

When we think we have so much time in our hands, we tend to ignore or not give much importance to the small things we have or experience. We always think, “Oh, it’s fine. I’ll just do it tomorrow.” But what made us so certain that there will still be a next day?

I used to believe that thinking like there will be no tomorrow means death. But because of this current situation, I’ve come to see that in a different perspective. We are not certain if we will be given another chance, not mainly because we will die, but also because circumstances won’t allow us.

One of my recent sad moments is related to work. As I mentioned earlier, I work in a preschool. I am a teacher. We were supposed to have our year-end class party last March 17, but turned out, March 9 was actually our last day in class already.

That day, we had a few students who were absent. My class partner and I were still hopeful that classes would resume the week after so we continued planning for the year-end party. But it didn’t. It’s so heartbreaking how we were not able to say a proper farewell to our students, especially because half of them will be moving to another school already. Before all these happened, I have been thinking about taking selfies with each of my students, but kept on postponing it because “we still have tomorrow,” or “I’ll do it on our last day.” I know I am making such a big deal out of this, but that small thing made me realize how I should have just done it. Like the other things I have been wanting to do or supposed to do. Instead of waiting for the next moment, I should have just done it.

This is not me, pouring out regrets. This is me, telling myself to not keep on holding on to a “next time,” as if I have the power to control what hasn’t come yet.

The world is being challenged. We are being shaken. But when all of these is over, I hope that we will come out anew. Better. Wiser. More loving.

How are you?

–rdc-